I came home around 5 p.m. or so with two airline tickets and two
tickets for Disneyland. It was Friday and I wanted to celebrate with Jeff and
give the tickets to him after dinner tomorrow night at his favorite restaurant.
Jeff wasnít home; his pickup wasnít in the driveway when I pulled up. The trip
was a Valentines Day surprise for Jeff weekend after next. I walked into the
house, thinking about the hotel reservations Iíd made way back around the first
of November while stripping off my postal uniform. I went through the house to
deposit the clothes in the hamper in my bedroom, Jeff has his own room and we
like it that way. Weíre both value and need our own space. Intimacy is not a
problem, if we want to sleep together; we either go to my room or Jeffís. "He
must be out shopping or something." I thought as I stepped into the shower.
After a good hot shower and
toweling off, I padded naked into the kitchen for a cold beer from the fridge.
The curtains were drawn back, but the trees, bushes and high fences didnít
permit an unobstructed view into our house. Well, itís really my house, Jeff had
moved in with me three years ago and now that the new laws in California
permitted mutual "married" ownership of property by same sex partners, I wanted
to put my love on the mortgage. He was extremely reluctant and wouldnít say why.
I tried to get it out of him, but he just stubbornly clamed up. I figured that
he was just not ready for a full commitment. Youíd think with a world full of
guys who just want to fuck around that a faithful man like me would be snapped
up because I want a permanent relationship. Well, maybe after the trip
Jeff would change his mind; not that, that had anything to do with why I planned
the surprise, but it couldnít hurt. I went into the living room and turned on
the tube, sipping on the beer. About an hour or so later, I began to wonder what
was keeping Jeff. He gets home around 4 p.m. or so and if he has any running
around to do after work, he usually waits until I get home and Iíll go with him
or heíll go out immediately and be back a little after I get home. "He probably
stopped off at the bookstore." I thought, ďHe can spend half the day looking at
all the books.Ē
I was just headed back to the
fridge to get another beer when I heard a knock at the door. "Itís probably Jeff
with an arm full of groceries and he canít get his keys out to open the door." I
thought. "Iíll be there in a minute." I said and went back to grab a pair of
shorts and a black T-shirt. I answered the door, but it wasnít Jeff.
"Hi, Dan." I said.
Dan had lived next door to me
since we were kids. My dad divorced my mother when I was about five and he had
gained custody of me because my mother wanted to take me out of the country; out
of visitation range. She gave up all rights to me to live in Italy with her new
boyfriend and frankly I felt abandoned. Dad left me the house and what savings
he had ten years ago. He just died in his sleep.
Danís dad died a year later from
cancer and left him the family business and left the house to his mother. His
mother had moved up north to live with Danís sister. She said the house held too
many memories for her, so she signed it over to Dan. Dan was my best friend and
hadnít abandoned me when he discovered I was gay like so many of my "friends" in
Dan was a Bear to drool over. He
was just shy of six foot at 5í 11 Ĺ" and had a full black beard that merged with
is chest fur, soft blue eyes and lots of muscle from working as a mechanic and
tow truck driver at his fatherís garage. Iíd seen him plenty of times without
his shirt, he had a nice thick pelt all over. He had a wolf tattoo his old
girlfriend convinced him to get, years ago, on his right bicep. If Dan had been
gay, I probably never would have met Jeff. I would have seduced him and settled
down with this ursine hunk a very long time ago. But Dan was straight despite
what our high school peers had accused him of because he was friends with me.
After Dan started putting on tons
of muscle from working part time in his dadís shop and working out with weights,
he was playing football and had grown the thick full beard heís had since our
junior year, they stopped calling him "Butt Buddy"Ö to his face at least. He
looked more manly than most of the male teachers, even the coach. The girls
finding him irresistible helped too and his reputation as a stud became a murmur
throughout the school. Dan was always a gentleman about his affairs, though, and
ignored the gossip hounds.
They stopped pushing me around
too, because I grew to be just a little taller than Dan and in my sophomore
year. I started working out, too. I wasnít as furry as Dan, but I managed a
nice bit of chest fur and a Beard in my senior year. Yeah, I was a fag, but I
could put my fist through the other side of any assholeís head if he wanted to
pick on me because I was queer. Once, three guys ganged up on me to kick the
shit out of the fag. I almost got it kicked out of me too, but Dan showed up
like the cavalry and busted some heads. They ran away yelling "Butt Buddy" and
he said heíd kick their asses again if they didnít shut their holes.
I asked Dan once, while we were
both sneaking one of his dadís beers, if I made him uncomfortable by looking at
He said, "Well, I do feel a bit
like a slab of meat, but you canít help looking at guys any more than I can at
girls. Men are the same, gay or straight; we think with our cocks."
We laughed. I think that is when I
first realized that I loved Dan, not just lusted after him, but the lusting
didnít diminish with that realization and Dan honestly didnít mind. He knew that
would be as far as it ever would go. We hugged, wrestled and punched each other
in the shoulder just like we had always had. The physical contact didnít end
just because he knew I appreciated his body.
"Well, come on in." I said.
"Iím not interrupting anythÖ" he
began, I cut him off
"No, youíre not. Jeff and I donít
start the mad, passionate, kinky, whipped cream and leather sex until around
eight in the evening or so; after dinner has had a chance to settle." I said to
be a smart-ass.
Dan blushed; a gorgeous crimson
and smiled that beautiful smile I had loved since he and I were children. Then
he socked me in the shoulder like he always did when I embarrassed him, not
hard, but not soft either.
"I was going to ask if I was
interrupting dinner, but you had to leap into the gutter, didnít you." He said
and socked me again, just for good measure.
"Ow!" I mock protested, with a
whine. "Wimp!" He said. "Leap into the gutter? You canít leap into what your
already neck deep in." I said in a looking-down-my-nose manner.
He chuckled and hugged me as he
came in the door. God! I loved how Dan smelled, sweat, motor oil and "Old
Spice", but he didnít over do it. It turned me on partly because I associated it
with my dad because he used to use it. Yeah, it was cheap after-shave, but I
donít know, it just smelled warm and comfortable. Jeff was too snobby to wear
it, even though it turned me on.
Dan sat down on the couch and I
offered him a beer.
"SureÖ and some chips and dipÖ
maybe pizza tooÖ and how about a foot rub." He said and smiled that smile again.
I flipped him off as I headed off
to the kitchen, "Fuckiní smart-ass!" I said as I went.
"Yeah, and the rest of me is
pretty smart too." He chuckled.
I got the beer and as I headed
back I saw an envelope on the breakfast nook table I hadnít noticed earlier. It
was getting darker outside and Jeff still wasnít home.
"Well," I thought, "itís Chinese
food tonight. Jeffís not going to be in a mood to fix dinner when he gets home."
I picked it up and headed for the living room.
"Here." I said as I handed Dan the
"What? No chips? What kind of host
are you anyway?" He smiled again.
"The kind thatís going to kick
your butt out if you keep it up." I said like I was serious.
We laughed; it was a game weíd
played since childhood. Dan grabbed the remote and began channel surfing as I
opened the beer and took a sip.
I set the beer down on the coffee
table and opened up the envelope with my name on it in Jeffís handwriting. I
read through it once, then two more times. I couldnít believe what I was
reading. Jeff had dumped me and apparently packed up and left while I was at
work. There was a cold knot in my stomach and I was shaking slightly, my eyes
were a bit bleary.
"Whatís the matter, Eric?" I heard
Dan say through the thoughts screaming in my head.
"NothingÖ Uh, Iíve got to go check
I got up and headed down the hall
to Jeffís room. I still couldnít believe he was gone. Perhaps this was some
cruel tasteless joke he was playing on me. I couldnít imagine how I was going to
forgive him if it was but I was willing, at this moment, to try.
I got to the room and hesitated at
the door with my hand on the doorknob. It seemed to take forever to open the
door. I turned the light on and looked at the empty room; the vacuum cleaner was
standing in the corner and the window was wide open to air the room out. The
room was as cold and empty as my heart. Jeff had cleaned the room, not even
leaving a trace of himself behind. I remember shutting the door behind me and
walking back to the living room in a daze.
"Whatís up buddy?" I heard Dan say
from some distant unreal shore of reality as he turned the TV off.
I sat back down on the couch and
buried my face in my hands. I was OK. I was maintaining some composure. When I
felt Danís warm arm around my shoulder and he asked again "Eric, whatís wrong?
Eric, buddy, talk to me."
I lost it. I started sobbing like
I had when I was a kid and someone had hurt my feelings. He pulled me to his
chest and started rocking back and forth with me and the tears kept coming. Dan
picked up the letter and read it over my shoulder as I sobbed on his chest.
"That bastard!" He said with a
growl. "How could he!" He rocked me in his arms for quite a while, and then he
pushed me away from his chest and lifted my head with two fingers under my chin.
"Look at me!" He commanded. I
snapped out of my self-pity and grief briefly. "I want you to go down the hall
and take a shower."
I shook my head and began again.
"Stop it! The fucker isnít worth
it, not worth one tear!"
He got me to my feet and walked me
down the hall and to the bathroom. "Now, get in there and take a shower." He
said like he was my father, ordering a reluctant child.
I was numb and didnít even realize
I was undressed in front of Dan until I was in the shower. I began washing up
and I heard Dan mutter some choice curse words as he left the bathroom. The
water was warm and I wanted it to wash my memory, my grief, and my hurt away. I
began to cry again. Dan heard me as he came back in about ten minutes later.
"Eric, get out of there now and
dry offÖ and stop crying." He said firmly in that same fatherly tone.
I did what he said dutifully and
without question. I felt like a robot. I toweled off and Dan handed me some of
my clothes heíd grabbed from my closet.
"Get dressed, weíre going out and
getting you shit-faced drunk." He said, more gently.
I dressed numbly and we got in his
truck and he drove. We stopped by his bank and we drove around for quite a
while; not talking as we listened to the radio on low. He pulled over and looked
over at me; I was staring blankly out the passenger window.
"Hey, Eric, look over here." I
did. "GoodÖ no teary eyes."
He got back on the road and around
the corner he pulled into the parking lot of a bar. I didnít even notice which
one. We went in, it was really slow. There were maybe three other guys and the
"Hey, Dan!" The hulk behind the
bar said. "What will it be?" Bottle of Glenlivet, no make that two over in the
"Who died?" He said as we walked
over to the corner table.
"Just shut up and bring us the
bottles and keep the beer coming, Mike." Dan growled.
Mike, the bartender, was a huge
grey bearded, bearish man that I wouldnít talk to that way in a million years by
the look of him, but he said quietly. "Sure, Dan, no problem. What brand of
We had moved to the end of the bar
and Mike had come from behind it. He was huge!
ďYou pick it, Mike. Something pale
and real, I think, nothing heavy or dark. I trust your taste." Dan said in a
softer, friendlier tone.
"Also, weíre planning on staying
until closing and weíre not going to be in any condition to drive. Hereís my
keys. Could you call a cab for us when weíre done and would you mind driving my
pickup back to my house?" Dan handed Mike the keys.
"Sure, Dan." Mike said with a
"You can stay over at my place and
Iíll drive you back, when Iím in a condition to do so, tomorrow." Dan said.
Mike smiled and winked. "Anything
for a friend."
"Thanks, Mike, I owe you, big."
Dan said patting Mike on the back.
"Well, not yet, but youíll pay up
before you leave." He said with a chuckle as he turned to go get our drinks and
we headed for the corner booth.
"Iím pretty close friends with
Mike." Dan said as we sat down. "I feel a bit bad about barking at him back
there, but I didnít want too many questions; Mikeís a great guy, but I sometimes
he can get a bit nosey. Itís mostly out of concern, not meddling. I did almost
the same thing to him when I broke up with Carla, which is why he asked ĎWho
diedí. I must have drank damn near two bottles of Scotch the night she broke up
with me, donít even remember passing out, but Mike said he put me in the back
room and made sure I didnít drown in puke. He drove me home and was fast asleep
at my place when I woke the next afternoon. Anyway, I didnít think youíd want to
discuss things with a total stranger, even though heís a buddy of mine."
I started to mist up again, not
over Jeff, but because I realized how sweet and protective Dan was being to me.
"Look, the beer hasnít even gotten
here yet, you canít start crying in it until it arrives." He said.
That made me laugh, he always
found a way to make me laugh.
"Good, at least your sense of
humor is still intact." He said softly.
Over the next several hours we got
heroically drunk and I pushed my limits because I didnít give a shit anymore,
but I didnít get sick. I discretely cried a bit and Dan kept joking until I felt
Mike would come over occasionally
and by the end of the night, I knew him better. He was a nice guy and I felt Iíd
like to get to be friends with him. Dan, as always, was unafraid to show how
close he was to me in public.
"Arenít you afraid the guys here
are going to think youíre gay?" I asked after a long silence while two of us
were drinking beer and shots of scotch.
"I donít give a shit what the
other customers think." He said.
"What about Mike?" I asked.
"Mike doesnít care and wouldnít if
I was here on a date with you. Iím his friend and youíre my friend and thatís
good enough for him."
We reminisced about our childhood
and our folks and people we knew. We talked about Jeff and what a bastard he was
for leaving like a coward and how heíd stabbed me in the heart every five
minutes, as drunken people are want to do.
Dan reminded me that heíd be there
for me, just like I was for him with Carla. Though it was repetitive, because he
said it every time I called Jeff a coward, I didnít mind. This straight man was
expressing love for me Jeff never quite did, I saw it in his bloodshot eyes; a
deep real love of one who cared about another. It soothed and softened the hurt
that Jeff had inflicted. I wanted to kiss him, but even as drunk as I was, I
knew that was out of the question.
I remember Mike calling last round
and he came over later and told us he was calling a cab. He closed up and we got
into the cab. He must have followed us over, because he helped Dan get me into
my house. I passed out about the time I hit the pillow.
The next afternoon I woke to two
warm lips on mine.
It was all a bad dream, Jeff had
never left! But there was something wrong and I couldnít quite put my finger on
it. I opened my eyes and as my vision came into focus I was staring into soft
blue eyes set in a furry black bearded face. I was lying there in his arms; he
was naked and so was I.
"What the Hell! Dan?" I was
"Surprise, Eric!" He said with a
"Youíre gay?" I said,
"No, Iím Bisexual. I like women,
but Iíve always loved you. I came to terms with that when Carla dumped
me. She was always jealous of the time you and I spent together. I realized in
my drunken stupor the night she left me that I loved you and thatís why I spent
so much time with you. I realized Iíve always wanted to be near you.Ē
ďI also found out that night that
Mike was gay; he didnít just sleep on the couch when he took me home. ĎMikeís
Hideoutí, the bar you and I went to last night, is a Bear bar. Usually itís full
of big furry men but it was kind of empty last night because of a big Bear
gathering in San Francisco this weekend."
"Bear bar?" I said.
"Yeah, Bears. Big furry guys like
me. Iím shocked you didnít know. Of course, you were with Jeff and heís kinda
twinky. I guess Iím not surprised youíve never heard of Bears after all."
"Twinky?" I said.
"Furless, beardless, slim and
worried about gettingí fat and always over-dressedÖ twinky." He smiled.
"But, Carla left along time ago,
why didnít you tell me then?" I said.
"I never was able to get up the
nerve and about the time I did, Jeff fluttered into your life like some pretty
butterfly. I know youíre vulnerable right now, but itís not like you havenít
known me all your life. I decided to strike now, before you fell for some other
twink. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but," he
smiled again. "you have to grow a beard like you did back in our senior year or
Iíll never be able to show my face in Mikeís bar again."
He French kissed me and even
though my head hurt from the hangover, I didnít care.
"Why did you shave it off?" He
"I started looking for work," I
said. "and Jeff never liked me with stubble and liked beards less."
"Well, Iíve jacked off more nights
than I can count looking at your senior picture in the year book." He grabbed my
stiffening cock and I grunted with pleasure.
"OK, OK! I get the point; I swear
never to shave again." I said.
"Good!" He said and then he
proceeded to ravage me.
I loved every minute of it, even
though it made my head hurt.
Mike came in about an hour later
and we spent a good portion of the afternoon exploring the possibilities of
three hairy men in a bed. Sort of a thank you and get acquainted thing. He
took Danís truck back home, weíd go get it later with my car.
We were lying there afterward and
I suddenly remembered something.
"Dan," I asked with a wide grin.
"How would you like to go to Disneyland for Valentineís Day?"
Happy Valentineís Day!
Copyright © 1999-2004 - Bjorn Torson
Any and all re-use prohibited
without explicit permission.